Monday, August 27, 2012

The Kafkaesque Mess that is LAX

Oh, man. I hate complaining, but sometimes in life it's either (a) really therapeutic or (b) really necessary. This might be both, but hopefully it's also entertaining. Yesterday, we were stuck at the airport for hours. I tweeted:

And they very nicely (if obliquely) replied:
So this is what I wrote back. (Start reading from the bottom, if you're curious.)

Or come back tomorrow? I promise I'll have something more fun.

 And then during landing, an overhead compartment popped open and the luggage almost fell onto people. That's all.
 I don't approve of censorship at all, and I appreciate sex and violence, but not when my 4-year-old's asking me about it.
 Half an hour later, there were naked people getting it on onscreen.
 5 minutes in, my daughter asked me why all the soldiers were getting dead by explosions.
 I know I'm pushing this. But the ACTUAL film you showed? On the one monitor for our section? "The Lucky One."
 On the plane, squished together and miserable, we had to watch a promotional video about how AA just bought spacious new planes
 We finally made it on the THIRD flight. And the gate attendant was incredibly nice (I forget her name.)
 Then we stood by AGAIN. My kids responded with uncharacteristic good humor--they played Fruit Ninja for an hour.
 And, turns out you guys don't have any special consideration for parents. So the first-class standbys got on and we didn't.
 We were put on the next flight. But, oh wait! It was oversold.
 We made it. Except, no! It was 5 minutes to takeoff, and the door was already closed.
 But THEN we raced to the gate. The TSA helper couldn't come. So my 4-year-old pushed the luggage. I took the baby.
 That part was actually kind of cool, because our older kid was fascinated by the explosive-testing wipes.
 Then, guess what!--because we had a baby bottle, we had to get additional X-raying and testing.
 When we were 5 people away from the end, a TSA worker (!!) finally offered to help push a stroller.
 My wife stayed behind. I took both kids. But try getting through security with a 2- and 4-year-old -- it is REALLY HARD.
 We checked one bag, then time ran out on checking the other--so we had to either abandon it in the airport or miss our flight.
 Then your system took forever printing tickets, & wouldn't recognize my wife's married name (we used it on both ID and ticket)
 First, we got to the airport (LAX) and there were only 4 attendants to handle a waiting-room that was like a mosh pit.
Baggage claim. Never have i been happier to type these two words. My face says it all: